i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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