walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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