So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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