he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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