If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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