i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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