So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
