you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
