i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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