Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
