Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
