im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
