My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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