That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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