WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
