week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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