haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
