you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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