This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
