Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
