Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
