my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
