my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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