I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
