Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
