smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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