Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
