What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
