News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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