Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
