her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
