his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
