Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
