my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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