he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
