I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
