when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
