i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
