so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
