Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
