Quick, to the slutcave!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
