I want to stick my p in your. b.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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