Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
