Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
