My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
