It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
