First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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