I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
