Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
