i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
