ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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