If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
