2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
