I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
