Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize
