i wish my penis had a tongue
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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